


A Little Less Action

by FangirlingPuggle



Series: All this Aggravation ain't Satisfactioning me [2]
Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Denial, Lou is a good dad, Lou is not in a good place, M/M, Pining, Post-Break Up, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, baby turtles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 16:15:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18196451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlingPuggle/pseuds/FangirlingPuggle
Summary: Companion piece to 'A Little More Conversation'Lou's thoughts after he gets away.





	A Little Less Action

**Author's Note:**

> Again this is dark, poor Lou isn't in a good place.
> 
> And isn;t dealing with things well.

When Lou finally stops running he just collapses, adrenaline and pure instinct fading away and letting exhaustion bleed in.

 

He leans against the sewer way chest heaving with harsh breathing.

 

He can’t remember the last time he’s felt so exhausted.

 

Or this drained physically, mentally, emotionally.

 

He feels tears burning at his eyes again, now he can’t keep his brain focused on running, escaping all the thoughts from before crash into him.

 

 

**Idiot**

 

 

 

**Of course he never loved you**

 

 

 

 

**You were just an experiment**

 

 

 

**You fell for it so easily You really thought he meant it?**

 

 

 

**HA He knew just how to play you since the beginning**

 

 

 

**You really thought you were going to spend your life with him?**

 

God, none of his battles not even the battle Nexus, nothing hurt more than this.

 

 

 

**He must have been laughing behind your back this entire time**

 

 

 

**You’re just an idiot**

 

 

 

**He never loved you**

 

 

 

 

**Why would he?**

 

 

 

All those dark thoughts cloud his vision and his mind he just wants to scream.

 

 

 

**The one person you ever loved**

 

 

 

**Of course they wouldn’t love you back**

 

 

 

**You mean nothing to him**

 

 

 

 

**Look at how easily he hurt you**

 

 

 

 

**He never cared about you at all**

 

 

 

 

**He doesn’t love you**

**He never loved you**

**He’ll never love you**

**He**

 

 

 

A soft cry comes from his arms and it’s like a bucket of cold water is thrown on him he shakes his head and forcible drags himself out of the thoughts that batter his mind.

 

He wipes the streaming tears from his face and looks down at the 4 squirming turtles in his arms.

 

~~Their kids~~

 

His kids

 

His sons

 

 

“Hey” he’s barely able to croak the word out his throat burns from smoke and running and the desperate sobs he tried so hard to keep in “you awake now huh”

 

The 4 just blink up at him heads titled in confusion.

 

 

He laughs slightly and leans back “it’s ok now…were ok now, we got away, were safe” he says

 

Who is he trying to reassure though?

 

**He’ll try and get them back**

 

**He’ll come from them**

 

 

I’ll protect them! 

 

No won’t get them!

 

He’ll have to go through him first

 

 

**He will**

 

 

**He’ll kill you**

 

 

**And he won’t care**

 

 

 

Lou tries not to flinch back at those thoughts instead he shoves those thoughts back down.

 

He can try

 

 

He looks back down at those kids smiling

 

“I won’t let you little guys get turned into mindless warriors you got that” he said solemnly “I promise”

 

He hugged his sons closer

 

“we’re going to be ok”

 

 

They probably don’t understand, there only babies

 

 

...Oh god they’re babies

 

 

What the hell is he meant to do with them?

 

 

He doesn’t know how to parent?

 

 

How do you parent?

 

 

 

 

He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves and smiles down “Well I guess names would be a good start…right?”

 

4 sets of eyes just blink up at him

 

And Lou internally screams a little, he needs to learn how to parent quickly…can’t be too much harder than winning the battle nexus…he hopes

 

“so names…umm” he trails off and

 

The memory hits him like a damn freight train

 

_“Humans are mostly useless”_

_“hey y’know I might take offence”_

_“well…you’re not a usual human I suppose your …quite the marvellous specimen”_

_“you suck at flirting you know that right?”_

_“...”_

_“aw your blushing…ok I’ll stop so what humans aren’t mostly useless then?”_

_“other than you…I suppose a few of your human artists have been…acceptable”_

_“wow high praise coming from you…HEY if you want to see real art we should watch one of my movies again”_

_“No thank you”_

_“Aww come on…fine then what artists do you like”_

_“…well”_

 

 

He forces the memory down, deep down , down where he won’t have to think about it or hurt or anything.

 

Just seal it all away.

 

Lock it all up and throw away the key.

 

He never wants to think about him again…doesn’t want to keep hurting , to re-examine all those memories, he’s been so happy, for the first time ever really.

 

He can’t think back because he’ll pick it apart, he’ll see the signs he ignored before because he’s **stupid** and **foolish** and thought that **they loved each other**.

 

**‘quite the marvellous specimen’**

 

**Oh just how much more sense that makes now**

 

**You were just a test subject**

 

**Just a tool all along**

 

**See that’s all you were**

 

**He said it to your face**

 

**But you were just too dumb and ‘lovestruck’ to see it**

 

**What a joke**

 

 

 

Nope!

 

 

He violently slams those thoughts away, he will not ruin those memories he won’t think about them ever again…won’t think about him ever again.

 

Never

 

 

Except…

 

 

~~They’re his kids to~~

 

~~They’re theirs~~

 

~~God they could have been parents together~~

 

~~That would have been amazing~~

 

~~He wants that so much it hurts~~

 

Just this one thing…just this

 

Just this

 

“Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo and Michelangelo” He whispers out those 4 names

 

~~Their~~ His sons names

 

 

Just this one thing that’s it

 

 

That’s all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading =)


End file.
